Sunday, June 10, 2007
its been a long time ever since i last blogged. i have so many things to say but i cant. not here at least. but these are things/thoughts thats been affecting me for quite a while. it's been affecting how i feel and see about myself. and somehow, there hasnt been anyone i thought of as the best person to relate to. because its either they wunt understand, they get angry, or judge me with a different eye.
i'll start another blog. one that nobody knows.
cute squishie -x
Saturday, April 28, 2007
this stupid google. you girls ask me for the email and password ok? i just signed up that silly google thing.
anyway, it's really really early and im not asleep. not because i didnt sleep but because my boyfriend just left for work and i cant go back to sleep and im feeling hungry. im on MC due to conjunctivitis. pain like siao. yea, but whatever~
had some plans with the boy to go on 2 trips this yr. probably bangkok in june and then cruise or japan in sept (japan and thats because we have free tickets remember? not beause we're rich hah!). im excited but the boy, erm, as usual, always nv show his "excitement".
sam: "are you not excited at all?"
gab: "but we're always flying all over, whats there to get excited about?"
sam: "but you're going with me this time!"
gab: "im not excited, but i do feel happy"
*whee~! i thought that sounded really good*
so now the more i think, the more excited i get. heh heh! and the boy thinks im crazy cos he feels its still very far away. but perhaps it's because im a girl so....i dunno~ maybe it's just my excuse to stay excited.
anyway, im quite broke because i cant fly now so cannot earn allowances, but most of the time, a soft echo kept repeating in my mind "shopping shopping shopping". lol. i only want to get this denim jumper from -pull and bear-. gab says it's suppose to look sexy but when it's on me, it only looks kiddish. but still! i like it and i will prove him wrong and that, ermmmmm, kids can look sexy too! =)
im also thinking of perming my lashes. something i've not tried before but would certainly like to. was told by someone it's $18 (natural curl lashes) and $28 (somewhat look like 90 degree kinda lash so that when u look at the person from the front, the lashes are all upwards, making the eyes look bigger i suppose). im going for the $18 cos i want to look "naturally" pretty, not artificially pretty. they say it normally lasts for 1 month but then again, different ppl, different time frame so yea, im trying that out. perhaps rebonding in june (i'll be doing in a salon at yewtee, im seriously lazy to switch from mrt to bus and backwards again). who's joining me?!?!
cute squishie -x
Sunday, April 08, 2007
im alone in the crew room now in LA. and feeling not right again. i miss home. the food. and the boyfriend (and he jolly well went to his friend's gf home and NV CONTACT ME THROUGHOUT. how nice. play MAHJONG SOME MORE when the gabriel i knew ALWAYS SAY DUNNO HOW TO PLAY/NO TO MAHJONG back home in SG! until now, im still upset and angry about it)
i still have about another 4 days before i get back to SG and hopefully, i get to see him. HOPEFULLY. i wonder how long more we're gonna stay away from each other. i know im not happy about it for i always complain but i guess my boy is kinda enjoying this lifestyle cos he always seem to have fun and nv complain about not seeing me (except when we quarrel). i really dun think i can take it any longer before i start complaining again. i dread the "today-i-see-you-tomorrow-maybe-or-confirm-not" lifestyle. and the best part is, he always dun like to contact me when he is overseas. he says it is unnecessary money which i HIGHLY think not because, other than contacting each other on phone now, how else to keep in contact?! so contacting gf is expensive because we are "suay suay" in the same occupation?! i like the feeling of being thought of and not always being the one thinking of him. an occasional call or sms makes me happy like siao but his is like, when he go back to hotel den call or sms. i dun only need you to "bao ping an aka report that u're safe home " you know. i want to know that even though you are out having fun, you wish i was with you, you miss me so much that it hurts and blah blah blah. the best part is when i can send you an sms, hinting and hoping to get a reply, you DUN. can anyone imagine that?! should i even hope anymore? contacting gf is unecessary money, boy i wonder why.
im angry. really angry.
sam~
cute squishie -x
Thursday, March 29, 2007
havent been blogging for a super long time. and tonight, i got very very sick. i vomit whatever that goes in and my fever comes on and goes off faster than the speed of an airplane.
read my last entry and somehow, it still does affects me. maybe im scared that it'll happen yet again. maybe, maybe maybe. and if it will for the fourth time, i will not forgive you.
i guess it's because i seriously love you. thats why i dont want anything to come in between just like that. i dont want to us to live in her shadow. ever again.
samsam
cute squishie -x
Monday, February 19, 2007
************samsamsamsamsam************
before we talk about anything upsetting, let me share with you the happier note first.
cny was great. so was post vday, even though vday itself was a mess.
post vday was simple. but one surprise made it memorable. flowers. i know the stupid boy dont like to carry flowers but he did and the tulips came all the way from holland. they took the same aeroplane he took and it felt really really sweet.
cny was at ah ma's house. so nice and im glad to be around this year. so many loud voices, loud laughters, all the "purposely" dressing up for the occasion, the bitching and eating. ah ma cooked my favourite soup. pig intestine soup. shiok. love it! not easy to cook ok? especially for an old folk to wash the intestines and to cook it for hours. everything was just so so so nice. until....
at night while on the phone with the boy and surfing the net, i saw something i dont like online. something that made me disappointed, hurt and angry. something that didnt happen for the first and definitely not the second time. something that happened during the past one year and still repeating. something he promised but still do. shocked to see it again, hurt to know it, disappointed to remember your promises and angry because of it. i may be nonsensical but at this point of time, i dont really give a shit about how you see me. im like that and so be it.
cute squishie -x
Sunday, February 04, 2007
im home and it's 12.56am now. i miss my boyfriend alot, will see him in 3 days time, and to think that we aint spending vday together saddens me. i know everyone would say "aiya, as long as you're in love, everyday is vday what" but the fact that the whole world is celebrating with hugs and kisses, im in a very cold country called frankfurt with television programmes mostly in german except CNN or BBC. and also, the fact that the boy's in town on the 14th but not me so he hasnt got someone to celebrate with (unless if he chooses to, which he wouldnt because....erm...i just know he wont). but it's also me that didnt wanna change my flight because i wanna be ard for CNY badly too. so....the company took my vday but returned me with CNY. like they always say, you cant have best of both worlds could you?
so we decided to celebrate a belated vday, on the 16th instead (i know i'll be hiding in my hotel room wailing like mad again). the only console we have, that i thought was that, dining wouldnt be that expensive now. oh well oh well oh well~ the boy says no complaining so, i shall keep this short.
ive been racking brains for vday present and gab always see through my plans and when he tells me he knows whats on my mind, i couldnt hide it away from him because i end up smiling sheepishly then the "buey song-ness" appears on my face again. ha!
im heading to bed now. tired, i havent even bathe or packed and i've got another flight tml. luckily it's only 5hrs flight or if not, i would have spit big time on my roster.
cute squishie -x
Thursday, January 25, 2007
at some point today, something suddenly worries me. if i were to stop flying, and gab continues, will we live seperate lives?
cute squishie -x
